For many people, fear of asserting themselves is rooted in childhood. After all, most people were taught from an early age by their parents that modesty is an ornament. And that’s why attempts to talk about their success were perceived as bragging and condemned.
And now we have become adults. We have a considerable amount of knowledge and achievements. But the unconscious fear of declaring ourselves still haunts us. Who knows, perhaps this fear deprives the world of a brilliant master or a great inspirer, thanks to whom many will find the strength to do things. Isn’t it time to step out of the shadows and speak out?
Table of Contents
The Roots of the Fear of Asserting Ourselves
We have grown up, we all have our own families, we live away from our parents, but we still listen to our inner “criticizing parent”. This is how our psyche works, we unconsciously exclude from our lives, everything that our mother and father didn’t accept in us. Thus, it’s difficult for us to assert ourselves because it requires initiative.
People around you won’t understand what kind of person you are until you start to live your own life, focus on your desires, goals, dreams. This is the only way you can show your positive qualities and strengths, and discover your weaknesses.
Until you realize what kind of person you are, it will be difficult for you to achieve harmonious romantic relationships, find the business of your dreams, and build your life the way you want it.
People perceive us the way we present ourselves, and if we are always on the sidelines, silent, and don’t show ourselves in any way, it’s difficult to discern our personality.
6 Ways to Stop Being Afraid and Proclaim Yourself Loudly
Fix Your Goals
We are afraid because we are unsure of our abilities. The reason for insecurity is ignorance. To understand what you want, you need to answer two questions honestly. Imprecise wording and vagueness are unacceptable.
Answers should be specific, clear, and detailed:
- What am I best at?
- What do I want to be number one at?
In your mind, you realize that you could do this or that job, that you are an excellent specialist, but you have many doubts.
The answers to these two simple questions will help get rid of uncertainty. Mandatory conditions must be written down on paper, so you can avoid the mess in your head, to structure your thoughts and understand who your competition is.
Combat Imposter Syndrome
The so-called imposter syndrome is the cause of many people’s insecurity. It manifests as follows: you are an excellent specialist in your field – this is the unbiased opinion of colleagues, but you are always doubting yourself, your competence. At the same time, you have a great experience, the management praises you and encourages you, but you think that it doesn’t matter, that everyone does. And you need to be something special, to stand out from the crowd.
Since childhood we are taught to be humble, not to boast, and certainly not to be proud of our successes. “Is this a success?”, “Anyone can do that,” we heard from our parents. These words come to our minds even as adults. We are afraid to meet censure, mockery. When a person begins to show initiative, to express his opinion, starts something new, even it’s live betting, the inner critic immediately reveals himself.
Most often the critic is yourself. These prevent yourself from implementing the plans to be courageous, confident and self-sufficient. The good news is that the critic can be silenced. To do this, make a list of their successes. As soon as doubts begin to arise in your head, pull out the list and read it. It says that you can do a lot, can do a lot, and you should assert yourself.
To overcome the inner impostor, record all of your resources and achievements. On paper it will be easier for you to assess yourself, to understand what your problem is. It may turn out that you’re not an imposter at all, and you need to look for the cause of your failures further.
Divide the sheet of paper into three parts:
- In the first column, write “My Resources.” Fix everything that can help us get ahead: education, skills, free time, etc.
- In the second column, write “Threats and Limitations. Describe your weaknesses, shortcomings, anything that could prevent you from moving forward.
- In the third column, write “My Achievements”. List your successes. Anything that can confirm that we are doing a great job. This can be feedback from satisfied customers, certificates of merit, awards, cups and medals. Try to remember all the things you were proud of.
If you want, you can increase the number of points, it is forbidden to reduce.
After the lists are written, conduct a careful analysis of all items. You need to determine if all resources are involved, work through each limitation. Understand if all the achievements are of value to your target audience. How can you convince them of the significance and importance of these achievements?
Figure out how you can increase your “My Achievements” list from 10 items to at least 20. After this exercise, you are sure to have the desire to make yourself known.
Stop Being Afraid of Mistakes
All people make mistakes, it happens that circumstances do not depend on us. Not all mistakes can be foreseen.
Don’t be afraid of mistakes, they often teach us. You just need to draw conclusions and move on. A mistake is also a life experience. If you are planning some serious business, be sure to consider the option when something goes wrong. Make a plan for how you will get out of this or that situation. Prepare yourself! Then you can rid yourself of the torment of conscience because you’ll realize that you did everything you could in this situation. And if you have managed to correct a mistake, that’s great because a corrected mistake isn’t a mistake.
After a wrong step you will hear various reproaches and mockery. There is no need to pay attention to them. First, only he who does nothing isn’t wrong, and secondly, the people who gloated over you have shown their true face – they dislike you, most likely, they are jealous and aren’t worthy of your attention.
Praise yourself, reward yourself, let it be something insignificant, but desirable for you, for example, a cake or lunch at a new restaurant, which you have long dreamed of – this is a wonderful occasion. You have grown up, you can build your own life without looking around. For other people to believe in you, believe in yourself! Be confident and don’t be afraid to assert yourself.
Believe That You Are Worthy of What You Want
In order to overcome your fears, you need to clearly set goals. When you loudly proclaim your plans, they become a motivation. The desire to achieve the goal will be so great that you immediately put aside all fear and doubt and quickly rush to the goal.
Don’t Neglect Professional Techniques
Suppose you started a page in a social network, you write interesting posts, and now you have a lot of subscribers, and they want you to hold a live broadcast. But you are not ready for that: you are afraid, you think that your voice has an ugly timbre, and in general you are not able to speak correctly, because you feel more comfortable when you put your thoughts in writing. To avoid this happening, develop. Now there are a lot of resources for this, both paid and free. Enroll in public speaking courses, there you will not only learn how to speak to the public correctly and beautifully but also to reduce psychological stress. You will become more confident. You can start by watching free videos on the Internet on managing your own voice.
Not only will this knowledge be useful for your work, but it will also help you settle your personal life. You will learn how to hear people and answer various questions, including tricky ones. With this knowledge you will be easier to declare yourself to the world. Every opportunity to learn, improve their level, and then success will not make itself long to wait. It’s time to make a name for yourself!
If a person is well-rounded, he is great to play different roles in life: for parents, he is a loving son, a strict manager at work, for his wife, he is a gentle husband, and for children, a kind and caring father. Such a person perfectly copes with his emotions and can influence other people. He has different talents, his own point of view, often different from generally accepted norms. There are many hobbies in life, he isn’t fixated only on the house and work. This person has many friends, it’s pleasant to communicate with him, they take an example from him, he is appreciated and loved.
Multifaceted people easily reach the goal and then set a new, for many unattainable, and he always makes it planned because it isn’t in his rules to throw things halfway. He misses no opportunity to make himself known. Of course, he didn’t become that person right away. There is much work on himself behind it all. Such self-improvement by a versatile person is a fascinating and rewarding task for our inner selves.